Making the “Right” Decision
We make many decisions everyday: what should I eat? Where should I live? Which relationships do I invest in? How do I spend my time?
Some decisions feel easy and clear. Other decisions can feel important and daunting. We think carefully about the pros and cons, talk to trusted people, and play the different scenarios in our heads.
I found myself having to make many difficult decisions over my life. I would often aim to approach my options from a place of curiosity, carefully weigh the pros and cons, discuss with trusted confidants, and try to trust myself. Yet, I sometimes find that my anxiety would kick in and I’d repeatedly wonder if I had made the ”right” decision.
I noticed, however, that framing our options as “right” and “wrong” can be unhelpful and unrealistic. When we mistakenly believe that there is an objectively “correct” answer, we end up feeling stressed as we navigate the messiness of real world decisions. In our quest to identify the “best” choice and to over-optimize, we hyper-fixate on the present choice, forget to tune into our energy, poll others rather than listen to our own inner voice, and end up not actually showing up for our lives and our decisions.
Rather than making “the best” decision, I believe we should prioritize making good decisions. I have come to define good decisions as
A good decision is one that stems from within me, and not due to external pressure or fear of disappointing others.
A good decision is one that feels aligned to my values (see Brene Brown’s exercise to identify your core values). For me, my core values are integrity, empowerment, connection, growth, and wellbeing.
A good decision is one that moves me closer to my future vision of who I want to be
A good decision is one where I have gathered key inputs and carefully paused to weigh the tradeoffs
A good decision is one that I feel committed to show up for. Ultimately how we show up for a decision can be more important than the decision itself.
It is also important to mention that making a good decision does not necessarily result in a desirable outcome. Say you are told that there is a 9/10 chance of winning a bet. You listened carefully to the information presented and trusted that your understanding of statistics is telling you that you should choose to bet. The dice were rolled, however, and you lost the bet (10% chance). You have made a good decision even though the outcome was not the one you bet on. We sometimes confuse good decisions with desirable outcomes, even though there are many variables that can influence outcomes.
Hard decisions often include many variables and tradeoffs. My hope is that we feel more at ease as we navigate decisions, that we trust ourselves, and that we show up for decisions.
How to Make Good Decisions?
Gather as much information as possible. It is critical to do your research and gather as much information as possible. If you have two job opportunities or are debating between two cities, you should definitely do your due diligence.
Pay attention to your energy. It can be easier for me to think about “tangible” and quantifiable things than it is to pay attention to my energy level and what is actually energizing me and draining me. It is easier to look at facts - salary, weather in a city, shipment date - than it is to pay attention to how we feel. Making good decisions requires that we try to weed out the noise and stay attuned to how we feel.
Honor your core values. Take the time to figure out what actually matters to you. Is your wellbeing and mental health really important to you at the moment? Is supporting your family financially very critical? Are you excited about advancing a specific mission? What are your top 3-5 core values and how would each decision help you honor them?
Visualize your future. Visualizations are very powerful because they help us distance ourselves from the present moment. Visualize yourself taking each of the options and pay attention to how you feel. Which choice is more aligned with how you see yourself and how you want to live day in and day out?
Remember to commit to your decisions and show up for them. Arguably, how we show up and who we are as we navigate a choice can be more important than a choice itself.